Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Bowling Conversation

"Ladies and gentlemen: the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."

For some reason tonight, my friends Denise, Kristin and I were discussing transvestites and transsexuals. I don't know why, we just were.
We were in the middle of the discussion when a lady from the other team, who was listening, told us that she divorced her husband after 23 years because she found out he was a cross-dresser and he was wearing her clothes.

This got me thinking. Is cross-dressing really a deal breaker? Are you going to throw away 23 years cause he likes to wear your bras? What if he's a great husband otherwise, or a great father? I admit, cross-dressing is a little strange, but I don't view it any worse than farting loudly or not replacing the toilet paper.

So I thought about it more and I came up with a list things that if Matt was a cross-dresser he could not do in order to stay married to me.

1) He cannot wear my clothes and not get them dry cleaned afterwards. That's just rude! Like when some one borrows your car and doesn't put gas in it!

2) He should not stretch out my sweaters. If he wants to wear cashmere, he should buy it himself. And that goes double for pantyhose and tights.

3) My clothing budget automatically doubles! He better not be buying designer clothes for himself and letting me wear Walmart brand!

4) The rule on panties, we don't share. You wear them, they automatically become yours. (See Monkeybutt post) That's one secret Victoria will take to the grave!

5) He CANNOT wear a smaller size than me!!! I don't care if it's in shoes!!!

6) He cannot tell me that something that I own looks better on him!

7) He must dress his age. I will not be seen with a 40 year old man dressed as Britney Spears.

8) He must be adhere to the fashion rules. I will not be embarrassed by a man who wears white after Labor day!

9) He must ask to wear an item of my clothing. There is nothing worse than going into your closet looking for your favorite pencil skirt only to find out that your husband wore it today!

10) NO MID DRIFT TOPS!! 'nuff said.

And that's it. If he can abide by those rules, we can share our lives together as well as our closets.


heathersister said...

You are too funny. I am sorry to say my husband is way to hairy for that sort of thing. Your rules are totally acceptable rules, any cross dressing should be able to follow.

heathersister said...

.....what bowling alley do you hang out at anyway??

Tori_z said...

I think those rules are fair. :)

Why is it considered weird when a guy wears a woman's clothes, but loads of women wear men's clothes and it's considered normal? I mean, loads of women borrow t-shirts or sweaters from their boyfriends or husbands. Some even perposely shop in the mens' section for themselves. But that's fine. But as soon as a guy wants to put a skirt on everyone starts acting like he's lost it. Yes, I agree, it is a bit weird. But not weird enough to throw away years of happy marriage for. If they can stick to rules about clothes sharing (like the ones you suggested) then I don't see any real issue.

Maybe this woman's husband was a smaller size than her and she was jealous? LOL!

Rachel said...

I love your rules!!!

Intense Guy said...

*just blinks his eyes repeatedly and laughs (and laughs and laughs)*

Seriously, whats with the ban on wearing white after labor day thing anyway?

Jen said...

seem reasonable..

Do you use pink type
on green just to
torture me?

Every time I visit
my eyes bleed..

The Wife O Riley said...

It's the way it the format comes out, I don't like it either. I think I'll try to change it.

Jen said...


Wayyyyyyyyyy Better

You done good.

LadyStyx said...

My eyes would like to thank you so much for the font color change.

This was funny. Now, if hubby decided to dress in women's clothes...yeah I think mine would HAVE to follow those rules too. The deal breaker would be if I found out he was dressing this way to go out and see someone else.

Jess said...

I don't know though. You'd probably have enough reason to dump a man if you found out he was cross dressing.
Also (not that anyone would actually know) do people who cross dress actually want to be women, or do they just enjoy it? because if its the former, you probably can't keep married!
White after labor day? What? Why not? Any white at all? For how long after labor day?

The Wife O Riley said...

For the record, I am talking about cross-dressing, not transsexuals. Most cross-dressers just enjoy wearing women's clothes but are completely heterosexual.

White after Labor day (until Memorial Day) was an old rule which doesn't apply anymore. Except when I try to wear it, my dead grandmother's voice yells at me.

ChicagoLady said...

I don't think the white rule is dead, because I refuse to wear my white slacks after Labor Day. Unless they are off-white/cream and are part of a winter outfit, like a pretty sweater or something.

I really don't know what I'd think about a man, or my man if I had one, dressing in women's clothes. For a man to enjoy wearing women's clothes, they'd have to be insane, because everyone knows that besides ties, men's clothing are WAY more comfortable than most the tight-fitting, glued-on, curve-accentuating items of clothing worn by women.

Lynn said...

Found you through my sister friend Rebecca at Knit by God's Hand... and this post made me roll! Love the rules, love your sense of humor!