Vivi Creates Her Own “After School Special” (or) “Are You There God, It’s Me, Vivi?”

Vivi is now 95% potty trained. She goes by herself when we are at home and she tells us when we are out.

This is very exciting, but it also comes with its very own issues. For instance, Vivi always seems to have to go to the bathroom just as I take the first bite of food at a restaurant. Or, just as we pass the rest stop while we’re driving.

But the biggest issue came the other week. We were at the mall and Vivi said she needed to go. We went into the bathroom and it was crowded. After waiting a couple of seconds we were able to go into a stall and Emerson went into the stall next to us. After Vivi was done, I decided that I would take advantage of the facilities.

Now I don’t want to be gross, so I will try to put this as gentle as possible; I was experiencing my period. And it being my first day, I was wearing a pad. (You women know what I’m talking about)

As I said before, the bathroom was crowded and the acoustics in there made all of the other conversations almost deafening.

I pull down my pants and proceed to go to the bathroom and this is how it went;

Vivi: “Mommy, you going potty?”

Mommy: “Yep.”

Vivi: “Mommy, why you wearing a diaper?”

All other conversations stop and the only one talking now was Vivi. And she was loud!

Mommy: “Shhhhh”

Vivi: “But why you wearing a diaper?”

Mommy: “Vivi, shush”

Vivi: “Mommy, you bleeding!”

I hear some giggles.

Vivi: “YOU BLEEDING, YOU BLEEDING!”

Mommy: (quietly) “Come on Vivi, knock it off.”

Vivi: “You changing your diaper?”

Mercifully, I was done, and we went to wash our hands. I kept my head down and we got out of there ASAP. While walking back to Matt, Emerson was in front of me and her shoulders were shaking. When we got to him he looked at us strangely.

Matt: “What’s going on?”

Emerson (face red, tears in her eyes): “BAH-HA-HA-HA!”

Matt: “Why is your face all red and your sweating?”

Me: “Never mind, but you’re taking Vivi to the bathroom for the next 3 to 5 days.”

Emerson is still in hysterics and she can barely walk.

Matt: “I’m confused”

Wednesday's Haiku to You

Control, Alt, Delete

Got scary blue screen of death

Stop downloading porn

Thank You Reality TV Gods

Denise Richards: It's Complicated

Sunday @ 9:00pm/C on E!

Living Lohan

Sundays @ 9:30p/C on E!

And here's me thinking that I wasn't going to have anything to talk about this summer!

The City Mice Go To The Country...A Couple Of Times

It's Memorial Day Weekend!! I know how you all enjoy tales about what we make our children do in the name of "Family Fun", so gather around the campfire, kiddies, I gots me a story to tell.

The weather man said it was going to be nice all weekend, so we planned to do something outdoors. After racking our brains, we came up with going fishing and having a picnic on Saturday, and then there would be swimming at my mom's pool on Sunday. We looked up fishing spots online and came up with a little gem of a spot, but it was 2 hours away. It was decided that it was fine and we would probably be closer to the drive-in and we could go and see the new Indiana Jones movie after fishing.

I had a doctor's appointment on Saturday morning, but it was really early. Everyone was still sleeping when I left. I got kind of lost when I was coming home, so I was a little later than I expected. It really didn't matter because no one was ready when I got home. So, we got a later start than anticipated.

We went to the store to pick up supplies. About 30 minutes later we left with fried chicken, salads, fruit and 2 children's fishing poles. We were on our WAY!!!

About 1/2 way there, I realized that I forgot the camera. This is something that is going to haunt me as the day goes by. You are just going to have to trust that my descriptions are accurate.

We were getting close and we needed to find a Walmart. We had to get fishing licenses and Matt thought that you had to get them in the county that you were fishing in, (he hasn't been fishing in YEARS), it turns out, you don't. You can buy a license anywhere in the state. 20/20 hindsight, we still had to find a Walmart.

We had brought a map that I printed out from Mapquest to show us where the pond was and we brought the GPS to help. I LOVE GPS!!! I know it's a little "Big Brother" and I suppose if someone wanted to find out where you are and where your going, they can. But I get lost a lot as you can can see, and I need the GPS.

We typed Walmart in and we picked the closest one and started out. We got a couple of miles away and we realized that the Walmart that the GPS chose was in Wisconsin. We were not fishing in Wisconsin, but the GPS didn't know that. We chose another Walmart in Illinois and had to turn around.

We followed the directions and ended up pulling up to a CLOSED Walmart. It was either closed up for lack of business or new construction or something. Bottom line... no Walmart.

Thankfully, there was something called Farm and Fleet, and they sold fishing licenses. Once again, we were on our way!

We followed the Mapquest map and just to be safe, we punched the park address in the GPS. After a couple of turns, I noticed that they were both in sync and the park should be right ahead...

What it turns out to be was a really old grain mill in, what seemed to me, an abandoned town named Kent. Both the GPS AND Mapquest were WAY off! There was no park, there was no pond, there wasn't even a gas station! All we saw was an old man and his dog. Seeing Deliverance one too many times, Matt hit the gas and we went in search of a gas station. The GPS gave us two choices, turn left and go 5.5 miles or turn right and go 5.9 miles. I don't know why we choose to go right, (it was a 50/50 shot), but the gas station the GPS lead us to was only about 2 blocks from where we wanted to be in the first place! Weird! Well, miraculously we made it to the pond.

We laid out our blanket, and the girls had some chicken and fruit while Matt got their brand new poles together. We used hot dogs for bait and the girls casted out for the first time. Vivi loved to reel her hook in. Emerson left hers sitting while we watched the bobber.

While we were watching the bobber, I noticed something right by it. It was small and sticking out of the water. Then it was touching Emerson's bobber, then it was trying to climb on the bobber. It was a turtle and he wanted to play! He also really enjoyed the hot dogs because he ate the bait and then watched and waited for Matt to bait the hook again and went chasing after it when he casted out again. The turtle was stalking us.

Well, our turtle friend had seemed to disappear for a little while, when something caught Emerson's eye. The turtle had climbed out of the water and was sitting on a log. Emerson called us all over to look at it. After letting us watch him for about a minute he "leaped" into the air, legs all out, and did a belly flop into the water.

Here's where our "Turtle in the Grassy Knoll" conspiracy began. As we walked back to our fishing spot, Emerson noticed right away that her bobber was not seen in the water. As she went to grab her pole... Her pole was MISSING! A fish grabbed her hook and ran with it, pulling her pole right into the water! We decided that the fish and the turtle were in cahoots with each other and the turtle used himself as a distraction while the fish robbed us of our spoils.

At this point, Vivi thought it was probably a good idea to reel in her line. She picked up her pole while stating, "I got a BIG one!" (Please note that this was said EVERY TIME she reeled in her line). But to our, and her, surprise at the end of Vivi's hook was a small fish! Vivi caught her first fish!!!! When she saw it, she said with a gravely voice, "I gonna eat it!" But after see her catch, she ran away from it and let daddy take care of it.

Meanwhile, Emerson was handling loosing her pole quite well. We could tell she was upset, but she tried not to show it. Matt saw her disappointment and that's all it took. He had to make it better.

While I relaxed and read a book, the girls played and ran around with each other and Matt took one of the "adult" poles, tied a weight and a bobber on the end of it and walked to the other side of the lake to try and "catch" the bobber floating in the pond.

Well I'm happy to say that after an hour of trying, he did it! On the end of Emerson's hook was a fish and Matt pulled the line until the pole came out of the lake. Emerson couldn't have been happier! Not only did she have her pole back, but she had caught her first fish as well! All in all, quite the productive day!

Now, never being in this part of Illinois before, we really didn't know where we were. After packing and loading up the car, we put the address to the Drive-In Movie Theater into the GPS. Travel time = 3 hrs!!! Time until the movie starts = 1 hr. Going to the Drive-In = No chance!!!

We stopped in at a small little drive-in diner, (the kind complete with car hops), and had dinner and then headed back home with the promise to the girls that we would go to the Drive-In Movies the next night.

The next morning we all got up and headed out to my mother's place. The weather called for only a 30% chance of rain, but the skies looked OK. Just before we got there, it started to rain. But thankfully it didn't last long. We all went down to the pool and the girls had a ball in the pool. The sun came out and the temp jumped up about 10 degrees. It turned out to be a wonderful day.

Then it was time to fulfill our promise to the girls. In about 2 hours we were at the Drive-In Theater and we were about an hour early. It's a good thing too! By the time the movie started, the place was PACKED!!! We backed the car into our parking spot and set up the girls in the station wagon trunk while Matt and I put out our lawn chairs. We watched the first movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, (which was REALLY good, by the way). But as we watched the movie, we saw lightning getting closer and closer and CLOSER...

By the time intermission happened, the rain became to fall. Just a few drops at first, then a little sprinkle and then... TOTAL DOWNPOUR!!! We all hopped into the back of the station wagon and sat like sardines packed in a can. We stayed for the second feature, Ironman, (which I have to say was also really good).

After the movie we got everyone situated in their seats, but Matt noticed that the people next to us couldn't get their car started. I don't know what it is about Matt and wanting to help total strangers out all the time, but he stood out in the pouring rain and gave them a jump start. Then it was time for the long drive home.

We made it back okay and Memorial Day was spent just lying around writing blogs and watching a "Keeping up with the Kardashian's" marathon.

After our adventures it's just time to "chill out".

Johnny Depp Monday

Sorry this is a couple of hours late, I forgot it was Monday.

I Have Broken the Webkinz Shackles

No more will others prosper from my skills.

No more will they beg me to play “Just one more game?”

No more will the trophies that I earn be on someone else’s virtual shelf

I HAVE MY OWN WEBKIN!!!!!!


He is a rhinoceros and his name is RYNO TERRIO.

Wednesday's Haiku to You

How does this stuff work?

Desperate, I apply it

Goo on my forehead

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MATT!!

13 Years of Wedded Bliss!!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!

PBS Strikes Again...And Other Weekend Adventures

This past weekend, we decided that we wanted to do something “outside”. Saturday was going to be a beautiful day so we should take advantage it.

So, sometime last week, I asked Matt to come up with a few ideas. We would then decide. (With me having FULL veto power)

The one thing you need to know about Matt is that he’s a HUGE PBS junkie!! They own him!! I should have know that what ever he was going to suggest, he got from a show that was brought to us by The McArthur Foundation and Viewers like You.

With a quick skim through his email and a vague recollection of the documentary on it, we decided on the Anderson Japanese Gardens.

We got to the Gardens and went into the Visitor’s Center. After a quick bathroom break, Matt went up to pay for admission while I concentrated on keeping little hand off of breakable things in the gift shop.

After a couple of minutes Matt came up to us with 2 bags of coy food, a map and 4 stickers that we had to wear to prove we paid. They were very nice stickers with Japanese writing on them, Matt handed them to me and here’s how this conversation went;

Me: “These are kind of nice, I wonder what they say?”

Matt: “Oh, she told me, and I can’t remember.” “Oh, that’s right; they say ‘In This Woman I Am Content’”

Me: “Really? That’s odd and kind of dirty!”

Matt: “That what the girl told me it said.”

Me: “I wonder why they chose that instead of something like ‘In This Moment I Am Content’”

Matt: “Wait a minute, THAT’S what it says ‘In This MOMENT I Am Content’; I guess I got it wrong.”

Me: “It’s a good thing you’re not a UN Dignitary.”

Here are some pictures of the garden; it is really beautiful and tranquil there.

After the Garden, we had plans to meet my favorite Cubs player, Ryan Theriot. (Pronounced Terry-O) He was signing autographs from 6-8 at a sporting goods store by my house. After that, we promised the girls that we would go to the drive-in to see Horton Hears a Hoo.
We got to the sporting goods store at 5:15pm and the line was HUGE!!!

I was so excited but I told my family that we didn’t have to stay; we could just go to the drive-in.

Emerson said “Mommy, you stood in line with me to meet Jason Earles, we can stand in line with you!”

When we FINALLY got up to meet him, Matt asked him sign the shirt he was wearing!! Right on his chest!! Ryan started to laugh but he accommodated. Then it was Emerson’s turn and she and Vivi went up together, he signed Emerson’s ball and then gave the girls each a picture of himself.

Then it was my turn! I thought about what I would say to him when I got up there. I was going to tell him that he was a great player and that he was a real asset to the team etc. When I got to the table he said “Hi.” And all that came out of my mouth was “Hi.” Then I just stood there with a goofy smile on my face while he signed my ball for me. When he was done I was able to muster a “Thank you.” But that was it. I was so scared that I was going to say something that might have been misconstrued and that I would end up with a restraining order along with my autographed baseball.

Needless to say, I made no kind of impression, good, bad or otherwise.

After that, we drove to the drive-in and we all enjoyed Horton Hears a Hoo.

Johnny Depp Monday

I Think We Have a Little Adventurer on Our Hands, or At Least an Action Movie Watcher

Last night, Emerson and Vivi were watching “Secrets of NIHM” in our room and Matt was watch “Raiders of the Lost Ark” in the living room. Vivi lasted about 10 minutes on her movie and decided that she wanted to watch Matt’s. Here are some of the observations that she made on the movie.

“Who that boy?”

“OH, they chasing him!”

“They gonna get that boy!”

“Get in the boat, Get in the boat!”

“That boy got on the plane!”

“There’s snake on the plane!!!!”

After that she lost interest and started playing her pretend mommy game where she has to go to work but then she misses her baby and has to pick it up from daycare.

Conversation with Co-Workers

Katie: I missed Keeping up with the Kardashians last night and I really wanted to see it.

Me: Which one was it?

Katie: The one with the calendar.

Michael and Me: Oh yeah, that was a good one!

Me: What made the Kardashians famous? I know that their father was OJ’s lawyer and the mom married Bruce Jenner, but is that it?

Michael: Kim made a sex tape with Brandy’s little brother

Me: Kim got butt implants, right?

Michael: No.

Katie: Yes she did!

Michael: No she didn’t!

Katie: She has never even denied it.

Michael: That’s it, I’m calling her!

I'm So Wet, At this Point, I Can Only Get Drier!!

The Saturday before Mother’s Day, I went down to my mom’s house to spend the night. The walk was only a bus ride from her house and it started really early in the morning.

When we got up in the morning, it didn’t look too good. It was raining really hard. But we won’t melt, so we went on our way.

I was wearing 2 long sleeved t-shirts, a short sleeved t-shirt, a fleece pull-over, a plastic poncho, my rain hat, gloves, 2 pairs of socks and my brand new running shoes with the vent holes so my feet don’t get hot. ( I was so smart!) My mom was wearing similar items.

We got off the bus and walked a mile to the start of the race. By this time, we were already completely soaked!!!! We walked around for a little bit, saw some friends and then started the race.

We got about a mile into it when the 50 mile an hour winds brought sleet. It was 42 degrees, raining, 50 mile an hour winds, and now sleet. Our hands were soaked through the gloves, our jeans were soaked, and I don’t even want to tell you about those vent holes in my shoes!! We were miserable!!!!!

We made it about another ½ mile and we just couldn’t go on!! I have never been so cold in my life!! So we got to the bus stop and high tailed it back to Mom’s pad. When we got on the bus to go home, I bent down to pick something up and water poured out of the hood of my poncho on to the floor. It was so much water, some women on the bus thought that I was throwing up.

We got out of our wet clothes and had some breakfast because although it feels like it may be 4 in the afternoon, it’s only 9:30am.

After breakfast, we were thinking about the Cubs game that we had bleacher tickets for. I was positive that they would call the game. No such luck.

So Mom and I bundled up again in our newly dried clothes, and headed out. (Unfortunately, the shoes were still unbelievably wet) We took our seats underneath the scoreboard and watched the game. We made it about 5 innings and then we had to go, the wind was blowing right in our faces!! We walked back to Mom’s house and finished the game on TV with some peanuts in the shell.

Then Matt, Emerson, and Vivi came and we had prime rib for dinner.

And that was our Mother’s Day, and I just finished warming up!! As bad as the weather was and how cold Mom and I were, we still had a great time and Matt made us great shirts.

Wednesday's Haiku to You

God called you to him

It's so hard to say goodbye

We'll miss you Nene

Johnny Depp Monday

Mother's Day is HERE!!!

This Sunday is Mother's Day and Mom and I are walking in the Y-Me Breast Cancer walk. As I mentioned before, my mother is two-time cancer survivor. Because she has had mutiply surgeries on her breasts, including the removal of all breast tissue, her breasts are really scarred. A long time ago, I was joking with her and said she had Frankenboobies. Thus, our team name was born. Now all we had to do was come up with a shirt.

Here's what they will say;

On the Front

The Proud

The Augmented

The Frankenboobies

And on the back

Enhanced just like the Bionic Woman...

Only Different

I am also trying to figure out other things that we can do for the walk, like pink wigs or boas.

After the walk, we got bleacher seats for the Cubs game, so I get to spend the WHOLE day with my favorite lady.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY ALL!!!!

Conversation with a Co-Worker

Michael: My wife bought me that new PedEgg and it works really well.

Me: That’s great

Michael: There was one problem though, when I went to go downstairs that evening, I slipped on the first step and fell all the way down the stairs.

Me: Were you hurt?

Michael: No, it’s just that my feet were so smooth that I didn’t have any traction anymore. My feet just kept slipping out from under me when I tried to stop falling.

Me: Maybe you should put those flower stickers that they put in bathtubs on the bottoms of your feet.

Michael: Maybe.

Wednesday's Haiku to You

What is so smelly?!?!?!

Reaching into her backpack

Day old blue Gogurt!!

Our Disney Trip

We had a wonderful time in Disney!!! But I have to say, it was not without its problems. The biggest problem was with the flight out. The plan was that we were to fly out on Friday night, spend the night at a Hampton’s Inn then meet my sister at Fort Wilderness Resort on Saturday morning. We were all staying in the same cabin. This plan gave us 3 full days at the 4 parks, something that was completely do-able in my opinion.

Well, you know what they say about making plans and God laughing. We got to the airport in plenty of time to get on our flight. We were a full 1½ hours ahead of schedule. We got there just in time for them to move our 8:45pm flight back until 9:20pm. That’s when Mom and I hit the bar. Then they moved our flight back to 10:30pm. And then 11:40pm. When it got to be around 10:30, we happen to walk past one of the TV screens that lists the flights (on our way to the bar) and we found out that our flight was completely cancelled! There was no one at the gate to tell us that!! They just let us find out for ourselves!!! My mom (who is a travel agent) called United right away to get us on the next available flight. According to them, the earliest flight they could get us out on was 1:45pm the next day. I have to say, that United Airlines is so not accommodating at all. I used to fly with them all the time, but I will be thinking twice before doing it again. Ever since the government bailed their asses out of bankruptcy, the traveler has suffered. (I’ll get off my soapbox and continue the story)

So here we are with 2 sobbing children. We go down to collect our luggage and we are told that it’s at least a 4 hour wait. They told us that our luggage will be on the very first flight to Orlando and will be waiting for us when we get there. Fine, so we took a cab home and fell into bed.

The next morning everyone, except for Vivi got up at 7am. My mom called and told us that she may be able to get us on an 11:30am flight. Then 5 minutes later she called back and told us that United has cancelled that flight too. So, it really looked like we weren’t getting out until 1:45pm.

About 8am my mom called and she tells us that she got us on the 10:30am flight and we had to get to the airport right away. Here was a huge problem; we had packed all of our toiletries in the suitcases. I had nothing!!! When we got to the airport, my hair was standing on end and I had no make-up on. Now, I’m not really vain, but I’m pretty vain, so this was a major inconvience.

OK, enough about the bad times, let’s get on to the good stuff. We got to Disney and my sister had gone ALL OUT. She lives in Florida, so she bought all the groceries and she even cooked a few things that could be heated up for dinners. It was WONDERFUL!!!!

We got there kind of late, so we scrapped going to the parks on Saturday. We decided to have a nice meal, catch up and then go to the Chip and Dale Sing-A-Long Bonfire that was at the resort. We had no idea how Vivi and Gage were going to react to the characters and this was as good a time as any to find out. They LOVED them, if fact, Gage was molesting one of the chipmunks.

The next morning we got up, got ready and hit Magic Kingdom where the girls got to meet some characters including MICKEY!!

We lasted until about 3pm and had to back to rest and have some dinner. After dinner, Vivi fell asleep right away and Mom opted to stay with her and Gage. The rest of us went back to Magic Kingdom to ride some rides that we missed. I really wanted to go on Pirates of The Caribbean; it has always been my favorite. We didn’t even have to stand in line!! We got onto the boat and the ride breaks down. Now we were stuck for 40 minutes! Thank Goodness the boat didn’t go anywhere but the gates had closed and they couldn’t get them open again. We had to walk a very narrow ledge to get out. I felt sorry for the people who were stuck inside the ride. We got some Fast passes for our troubles and went on our way. We went on Thunder Mountain next and it turns out that Emerson LOVES roller coasters. We thought it was only fitting that Space Mountain be our next stop. We used out fast passes and got up to the front of the line and the ride breaks down!!! But luckily, for only a couple of minutes. After Space Mountain, Erin and Gant (my sister and brother-in-law) decided it was time to go home. We hit a couple more rides and even attempted Pirates one last time and it was working. Then we hit the road.

The next morning the group separated for a while. Matt and I wanted to take the girls to Epcot and ride 2 rides there and then we were meeting everyone at Animal Kingdom. We had a couple more run INS with some characters and Emerson got to ride some more roller coasters. After we conquered that park, we went back to the cabin where the kids rested and we made dinner.

After dinner, Matt and I took Emerson to Hollywood Studios (formerly MGM) and she got to ride the 2 mothers of all Disney roller coasters The Rock ‘n Roll rollercoaster and the Tower of Terror!!!! The Rock ‘n Roll one goes from 0 to 60 in something like 2.2 seconds. I had no idea it did that and I almost lost it. I really felt that my dinner of hot dogs was definitely going to come up. I refuse to ride the Tower of Terror after that and sat and people watched while Matt and Emerson went on it. Then we left.

Tuesday was our last day and we were being picked up for the airport at 12:50pm. So, we did the breakfast buffet at the resort and then went back and packed up. It was really hard to say goodbye to my sister and her family. It always is.

That was our Disney trip, a fun packed 4 days and I’m still exhausted!!!!

Johnny Depp Monday

Our Favorite Show Right Now.

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