Johnny Depp Monday!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.

Johnny Depp Monday!

If It's Not One Thing...It's Your Mother.

Or in this case, my stepmother.

We have had a pretty tough year. In fact, it has been the worst year on record. I won't bore you with details, but most of it has to do with money. Although, we are far from out of the woods, we have taken the right steps forward.

I dealt with a major problem yesterday and just when things seemed to be headed in the right direction, I was literally bitch slapped with a new one today.

As most of you know, I do my father's grocery shopping on Wednesdays. Today, Vivi had her little holiday program at school and then I had to drive Uncle Jim to work. I didn't arrive at my father's until about 2.

There wasn't anything unusual about today's visit, the house was hot, the list consisted of toilet paper and soup. There was a problem though, my stepmother. She doesn't like to eat and from the looks of it, she hasn't eaten in a while. A long while.

She has always been thin, but my best estimate is that she now weighs about 89 lbs and she's 6 feet tall. I know, right???

She looks like a skeleton!!!! She also fell and hurt her back, so she is having a hard time walking.

I literally had my cell in my hand with 9 and 1 already pushed and my finger hovering over the 1.

The only way she could convince me to not call the ambulance is to promise to follow my eating plan for her. We went over things that she liked to eat and added them to the grocery list. She's a creature of habit so I wrote up a few small meals that I know she will eat. She has to eat 6 times a day and I made my father promise to tell me if she doesn't. I will go over there with a plumber's helper and a shovel to get it all in.

My father was trying to give her 3 large meals a day, but they overwhelmed her, mentally and emotionally she would already be full before she even started. 6 small meals is a much better plan for her, sort of like a diabetic. That way when she finishes something she has a little pride and is more likely to eat more.

After our talk, the look on their faces told me that I put the fear of God into both of them. I also said that if the plan is not followed, I am sure the hospital would be happy to put a tube in her stomach and pump food into it.

When we get her strength up, then I will make her walk with me and do some stretches so we can maybe fix her back a little. But even a car won't go if you don't put fuel in it.

I really hope this works because I would like to respect her wishes about going to the hospital. Although, I will have no problem making that call if it comes down to it.

Please keep us in your prayers while I police this matter more closely. At least this time it didn't have anything to do with money.

Things You Might Have Overheard at Our House.

Matt: (walking in the door after work) "I got a tip from a MILF today!!!!"

Me: "Was it a MILF or a Cougar?"

Matt: "What's the difference?"

Me: "MILFs don't really need to tip, they get by on their MILFiness"

Matt: "What if a guy tips me?"

Me: "Well, he obviously likes the way you dance in your work pants."

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Emerson: (reading Little House in The Big Woods) "The dancing was so pretty and the music so gay... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Me: "Somehow, Em, I don't think they were talking the Village People." "There is another meaning to the word gay."

Emerson: "There is?"

Me: "Yes, it means happy or joyous."

Emerson: "Oh, then that's not really that funny."

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Vivi and I were sharing some Dove Promises and on each wrapper there is a little message, just like a fortune cookie.

Vivi got one that said "Share a secret over a Dove Promise"

Me: "Now you have to tell me a secret."

Vivi: "Okay." (in a whisper with her hand cupped by her mouth) "You're my best friend."

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Matt: "You know if you travel in time and you come across the past or future you, don't touch yourself because you can destroy the universe."

Me: "What are you talking about?"

Matt: "I'm just saying that if you travel in time, don't touch yourself."

Me: "That's some sound advice, but you better not do any time travel, you can't keep your hands off yourself."

Johnny Depp Monday!

I'M BAAAAACK!!!!!!

We had some internet connection problems. It seems that a new cable company has been very busy putting up their cables and snipping any old phone line that gets in the way. I have my own theory about why our line got clipped but they mostly involve an anonymous jealous Johnny Depp fan and Matt is calling me paranoid.

Anywho, it took the phone company 2 weeks to get us back up and running.

In that time, I missed 2 Johnny Depp Mondays! (For shame!!!!) So, here is a good one for all of you.

This Week's Shopping Trip.

Today's the day that I regale you with another installment of "Shopping for Dad", my weekly soap opera.

This week didn't have the drama of last week, but it wasn't without it quirks.

First, I am still sick with this cold and anything I do feels like a chore. Second, the girls are home this week, so they had to with me. And, finally, my dad's bizzaro list.

We got over there about 11am and he paid me up front, but not without a big production to show everyone he was giving me the money. ( I took it with my left hand) Then we went over his list and coupons. Meanwhile, my children were stripping they were so hot. My stepmother keeps the thermostat set at 81 degrees.

His list included, but was not limited to;

2% milk

whole milk

chicken thighs with the skin

about 25 different soups

turkey breast from the deli sliced medium

black angus beef from the deli sliced thin (but only if it was rare)

krakus ham sliced thin

2 Aveeno lotions

3 different loaves of bread

tealight candles

and an array of other goods.

It took us 45 minutes to do it and we were back at their house, sweating and putting the groceries away.

The one thing that did strike me as quite odd was that he had 12 rolls of toilet paper on the list. I just bought him 12 Charmin Big Rolls last week. How much toilet paper do two people need?

Yesterday, he called me to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. (they refuse to go anywhere or do anything for the holiday) While we were talking he told me that if I was taking a trip to Sam's Club, Walmart, K-mart or any other store to give him a call. He might need me to pick up some items for them.

So, now as it turns out, I'm on call.

By the way, my mother finds this whole thing hysterical and calls me continuously to rattle off things she would like me to buy for her.

Happy Thanksgiving!

To all my bloggy friends for whom I am truly thankful!

Johnny Depp Monday!

Update: Matt is feeling better. No more wheezing and just a small cough is left.

And because it's par for the course, I'm sick. All I can say is "Thank God for Alka Seltzer Cold Plus!"

Now, I'm Starting to Get Really Worried...

Matt is not any better. He has finished the Levaquin the doctors gave him and he still feels terrible. He has horrible headaches and when he sleeps he wheezes.

He doesn't want to go back to the doctor to spend more money on a co-pay.

If this was one of my kids, I would have had them at the doctor days ago. But how do you get a grown man to go? I'm at my wits end.

Where is Eddie Money With Those 2 Tickets to Paradise?

I know that I'm not working right now, but I totally need a vacation. And not one with my family! They are making me NUTS!!!!

The girls have gone through their normal fall illnesses, colds, sore throats, coughs, etc. We have dealt with it. It's never fun when your children are sick, especially when you have clingy kids like I do. All they want is for me to hold them and usually both at the same time.

They are both healthy now, thank goodness. But now, my third and most needy child had pneumonia. That's right, it's Matt.

He is by far worse than both my kids and all of Kate Gosselin's kids rolled into one. (Especially that brat, Maddie) I am so done with the tissues, coughing, whining, moaning, and all around acting like an infant. I know he feels bad, but SUCK IT UP!!!!

I know I sound like the worse wife ever, but when I was feeling bad a few weeks ago, life went on. There was no one there to coddle me. In fact, both kids were sick too, so my illness took a back seat.

All I would like is to lay on a nude beach with Johnny Depp, is that too much to ask???? Come on Johnny, I know you read the blog, throw away that restraining order and come and pick me up. I'll make margaritas!!!

As I Always Suspected!

I have been getting text messages, tweets, (or as I like to call them, twats, because I'm juvenile that way) facebook messages, comments and phone calls. All telling me what I have already know for many years now.

I can't wait to get my copy on Friday! And to think, I didn't have anything to do this weekend!

Congrats Johnny! You will always be the sexiest in my eyes!

Finally, the world has caught up to me!

It's Elementary Dear Watson!

Recently, my father asked me to do their grocery shopping for them. He is not old or feeble, he just sort of doesn't want to do it anymore. He offered me a proposal to do their weekly grocery shopping for them and they would pay me $25 to do it.

I agreed to do it on Wednesdays because I drop off Vivi at preschool and I could swing by, get their list and go before I have to pick her up. And who couldn't use an extra $25 a week? That's bowling money.

When he asked me it was Monday and they were out of a few essentials like toilet paper. I told them that I would come over and get their list, go, and then do it on Wednesdays in the future. ( I truly am gunning for the first chair in heaven.)

I went, armed with coupons, and did the shopping. After I brought them into the house and unloaded for them, I left. That's when I realized that I forgot to get my payment. I fretted about it for a little while but decided to give dad a call in the morning. My plan was to tell him that I forgot to get it from them this time but the next time, I will just write the check over.

Good on paper, right? Not so good in real life. I called yesterday morning and said my little speech, this is what I got.

Dad: "I gave it to you!" "It was when you first got here and you put it in your pocket."

I have no recollection of this transaction. I checked the pockets of my pants, my jacket, I checked my box of coupons, and the car. Nothing.

I didn't call him back because our relationship is weird. I didn't want to accuse him of not giving me the money so he can turn it around on me. (That's how it is)

He did, however call me back to see if I found it. When I told him no, he got sort of exasperated and said the he would give me "Another" $25. I told him that I must have lost it and it was my fault so he doesn't owe my anything. (Meanwhile, feeling like I must be losing my mind) Then he said the most interesting thing;

Dad: "I gave it to you when you first got here, you took it with your right hand and put it in your right hand pants pocket."

Wait....What?

I called my mom right away and told him what he said. (They're divorced) Here's what she said.

Mom: "Then he obviously didn't give you the money!"

Me: "That's what I thought, there is no way he gave it to me!"

Can you guess why?

That's right! I am completely left handed. I do absolutely EVERYTHING with my left hand. In fact, if my right arm was cut off from my body, life would go on as if nothing ever happened.

Seriously, there is no way I would have taken anything with my right hand, let alone put it in my right hand pants pocket. It doesn't even exist to me.

So, now my mom wants me to call him and tell him that their is no way he gave me the money because I wouldn't have taken it like he remembered. She also wants me to ask him if he knows me at all? I don't think I'll be doing that. I think I will just let it go and next week, I will right the check over by $25 and not worry about it.

I missed my calling, I should have been a detective. Eat your heart out Nancy Drew!!!!

Johnny Depp Monday!

She Wants To Rock and Roll All Night and Part of Every Day!

Or is it Party Every day? I can never get it right!

A few new developments have come to light about little Miss Vivi. She is now 5 years old, she is 31 pounds (such a little peanut), she loves preschool, and she is obsessed with KISS.

No Little Einsteins or Dora the Explorer for my little girl, she is all about Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons, Ace Frehley and Peter Criss. Especially Peter Criss!

It started with my "Mom-of-The-Year Super Duper Parenting". I inadvertently let the girls watch the last 30 minutes of Role Models. If you have seen the movie, you know that there is a HUGE Kiss reference. That was all it took.

Then, I didn't realize that KISS is actually everywhere you look. They were watching The Fairly OddParents and the band made an animated guest star appearance.

We were walking around Walmart and she spotted a KISS t-shirt that she so desperately wants, she bugs me about it daily. The only problem I have is that it's a woman's shirt and even the smallest size would have to be used as a nightshirt. I told her that it was too big for her to wear outside the house and she was okay with that, so it looks like I am taking a trip to Walmart.

She told us that her and Stacy (her imaginary friend) went to the KISS concert. Of course, Stacy likes KISS too.

Emerson showed her the magic of Youtube and pulled up concert footage. Vivi sat their for an hour watching it. She was just fascinated.

Last year, her and I had a little fight because she wanted to wear her Alice in Wonderland dress to Thanksgiving. Well, guess what she wants to be this year. That's right, Peter Criss. I think I may put the makeup on her one day and see how she likes it.

Until something else catches little Vivi's eye, we are all Detroit Rock City around here.

Johnny Depp Monday!

Now, if we could just get rid of the pesky windshield, camera lens, computer screen that keep us apart...

Johnny Depp Monday!

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - Limited US release December 25, 2009

I Need To Set The Record Straight.

I did not make Vivi's costume. It was bought for her at a resale shop by Kendra aka The Thrift Store Diva. I believe she paid $1 for it. Vivi originally wanted to be Cinderella, but fell in love with the little pink dress, she changed her mind.

So, for those of you with scorecards, let's go down the list.

Vivi's 5 Little Monkeys Birthday Cake - Made by us.

Emerson's Rockford Peach Costume - Made by us.

Vivi's China Doll Costume - Store bought.

I'm sorry for the extra paperwork.

In other news, we received a note from Emerson's school regarding Halloween Costumes.

"At _______School we celebrate Halloween in a fun, non-violent way. Please plan your child's Halloween costume with the following in mind:

Costumes must:

-NOT BE WORN TO SCHOOL

-BE OF A NON-VIOLENT NATURE

- Not contain any weapons (real or imitation). This includes but is not limited to swords, guns, knives, clubs, lasers, etc.

- Not contain any fake blood or other gruesome masks.

- Not represent a violent character such as Freddie Krueger, "Jason", an axe-murderer, terrorist, etc.

And my very favorite.

-Cover the child appropriately, that is: no exposed torso, chest area, buttocks, etc.

Man, now I have to put away Emerson's pair of assless chaps until Thanksgiving! That school takes the piss out of everything!!

Vivi's Halloween Costume

I will post pictures of Emerson's costume when I have it finished. She doesn't need it until Friday and I still have some finishing touches to do.

Happy Birthday Vivienne!

5 Years ago today, they put that tiny little girl in my arms for the first time. My life was changed forever and I can't imagine it without her.

Happy Birthday Vivi! No matter how big you get, you will always be my baby.

Johnny Depp Monday!

We've been sick, but we're better now. I'll explain tomorrow.

Wednesday Haiku To You!

What could be better
Than fresh, hot oatmeal cookies
and a glass of milk?

Conversations With Matt Plus a Suprise

Here are a few conversations that Matt and I have had over the past few weeks.

Matt: "Antonio Alfonseca had 6 fingers."

Me: "What happened to his other 4?"

Matt: "He had 12 total."

Me: "Are you trying to confuse me?"

(I know this isn't an original exchange, but when the opportunity to quote Steel Magnolias presents itself, you have to jump on it!)

______________________________________________________

While Matt and I were watching T.V.

Matt: "Well, I counted and they have used that word three times now on network T.V."

Me: "What word?"

Matt: "Douche." "It's like the FCC decided that it was acceptable and now everyone is using it."

Me: "Um...you do know that it's an actual product that they have been advertising for years."

Matt: "Oh yeah, I forgot that it wasn't just an insult."

_________________________________________________________________

One night after Matt came home from work

Me: "How was your day?"

Matt: "I dealt with the craziest woman today." "She just kept talking to herself and then she came down to the basement to talk to me" "She told me all about her affair with the King of Spain."

Me: "Really?"

Matt: "Yes, and then she told me all about how she worked for a man who was very nice and had a lot of children." "The kids were so talented and they put shows on for their father all the time" "Unfortunately, after one of their performances, they had to sneak out and flee to Switzerland to escape the Nazis." "She was telling me the plot to the Sound of Music like it happened to her!" "It was so sad!"

Me: "Then she probably had an affair with Francisco Franco, he ran Spain but wasn't actually a king, more of a dictator."

Matt: "Somehow, you missed the point of my story."

________________________________________________________________

And now for the surprise. I decided I needed a change, can you see anything different in this picture?

It's looks a lot brighter because of my yellow kitchen walls, it's much better in natural light.

Johnny Depp Monday!

Hi

I can't really explain why I haven't been around at all these last few weeks. All I can say, is that I haven't been feeling it.

I can't think of anything to blog about. I used to be interesting, but now I hardly ever get out of my pajamas. I think I may need to see a therapist.

I've had some major issues these past weeks that have taken their toll. I'm tired...very, very tired.

I'm hoping to be back up and running soon.

Sorry.

Johnny Depp Monday!

Wednesday Haiku To You!

Is real life farming

just like it is on Facebook?

If so, I am good!

Johnny Depp Monday!

So, my mother calls me from Paris and tells me that she was in Johnny's neighborhood and she's going back the next day. Is it stalking if I make her do my dirty work?

Six Word Saturday

Official Talk Like A Pirate Day!

If you would like to join Six Word Saturday, go see Cate.

Wednesday Haiku To You!

I'm sorry, I totally forgot that today was Wednesday. Here is your haiku.

I've got no picture

But I do have some great news

Guess who got fired?

Random Pictures and A Halloween Costume Conundrum

We took the girls to the Route 66 Preservation Society Annual Picnic on Sunday. The drawback was that our kids were the only kids there. Not much fun for them. There was a playground and some swing bridges that we went to explore, so it wasn't a total loss. I also took the opportunity to take some "outside" pictures of the girls.

On our way home, we started talking about Halloween. Vivi is having a hard time deciding between Max from Where The Wild Things Are and Cinderella. Emerson, however, has her mind made up. She wants to be a Rockford Peach from the AAGPBL. (All American Girl Professional Baseball League) You might remember them from the movie A League of Their Own.

I have search the web for a costume, but the only one I can find is for an adult and it's $225. A little more than I wanted to spend.

I went to my mom's work today and I think I laid the ground work with one of our friends. She's an incredible seamstress and I asked her if she would teach me to sew. When my mom gets back from Paris, I will have her ask her again. I'm pretty good at Velcro and fusible web, but I don't think I can do a whole costume without it falling apart.

Johnny Depp Monday!

Prizes, Pizza and Pound Cake

I have 3 things to talk about, so get comfortable.

In light of our fast food protest, I have become a virtual Martha Stewart. In fact, I don't even recognize myself anymore!!!

I wake up in the morning thinking about what I am going to make that day. I make meal plans, I defrost, I plan leftovers, I look for new exciting recipes on the Internet, I even make a dessert daily.

Which brings me to the world's best pound cake. My mother and I were going through a binder that her Aunt Laverne had given her. Laverne had made a copy of all the recipes that her granddaughter had gotten at her wedding shower. Some of them were quite strange, but one caught our eye, The World's Best Pound Cake. As I read through the ingredients, my mother checked her cabinets. We had everything, so we decided to give it a try. Let me tell you, it was truly the best pound cake I've ever tried! And so very easy to make. Here's the recipe.

1 c. butter softened

2 c. sugar

2 eggs

2 c. flour

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 1/4 tsp. baking powder

1/4 tsp. salt

1 c. sour cream

Preheat oven to 375. Cream butter and sugar, add eggs and vanilla. In a separate bowl, mix flour, baking powder and salt. Gradually, mix dry ingredients with the wet ingredients. Add sour cream. Pour batter into a greased loaf pan and bake for 1 hour. Let cool and enjoy!

I have been making this all week! Emerson likes it for breakfast with hot chocolate, in her lunch and for dessert. ( I do have to say that it goes really well with coffee in the morning.)

Now, pizza.

Last year, we went to the Jimmy Buffett concert in Wisconsin. After the concert, we ended up at a small bar to sing a little karaoke. I was drunk, and extremely hungry, so my friend Jerry ordered a pizza from the bartender. (there was no kitchen at this bar) I watched how she grabbed a frozen pizza and put it in a small pizza oven located on the top of the bar in between pouring drinks. She brought the pizza over and I have to say that it was the best pizza I'd ever had. Matt didn't get to have any because it had sausage on it (he's allergic to pork) and they didn't have plain cheese.

The next morning, I mentioned it to my friend David and his father and they said it must have been "________". I sort of heard the name, but not really, I figured that I would recognize it when I saw it at the grocery store.

For the past year, I have tried every frozen pizza they offer in Chicago. None of them were the pizza I had that night. Matt was convinced that because I had spent the whole day drinking and didn't eat anything, that of course it was going to be the best I'd ever had. It's sort of his "Give a starving man a Saltine and he'll think it's a Ritz" theory.

I never called David to ask him what the name of the pizza was, I don't know why, it seemed trivial and every time I saw him, it slipped my mind.

Fast forward one year. Matt and I took the girls up to David's house and then his family and our family went to the Walworth County fair. We had a wonderful time and as soon as I get some new batteries for the camera, I'll post some pictures.

We started to leave the fair, and it dawned on me to ask for the name of the pizza.

EMIL'S!!!!!! And it's sold at the Sentry!!!! ( a grocery store in Wisconsin)

Everyone packed up their cars and David led us to the nearest Sentry. There they were! I felt like Indiana Jones when he found the Ark, except when I opened the freezer door, it didn't melt my face.

We bought 4 and I made 2 of them on Monday night. Definitely how I remembered them! Even Matt said they were in fact a Ritz and not a Saltine!

Now, David and I have a deal. Whenever Emil's is on sale, he will grab a bunch for me and I in turn will do the same for him when the Jewel brand pizzas go on sale in Chicago.

Now, Prizes.

I have received 2 prestigious awards this week and I won a giveaway.

The first one is from Sparkle Farkle. Thank you very much.

This one has rules.

1. Each Superior Scribbler I name today must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving bloggy friends.

2. Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.

3. Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to THIS POST, which explains The Award.

4. Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post http://randomthoughts-tammy.blogspot.com/2009/08/good-better-best-never-let-it-rest-till.htmland add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honor.

5. Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Here are the lucky recipients.

1. In The Trenches

2. Our Life's Journey

3. In My Mind It's Always Funny

4. Well Okay, Sassy Britches

5. My Side of The Story

The second one is from a brand new friend Brownies for Breakfast (She love pin ups too)

I had a hard time picking for this one, so it goes to all my followers. (Not a follower? It's not too late to join to cool kids)

I also won the book giveaway from Jenny and the Princess Peonies, but that deserves a post all it's own.

Go over and visit these three very special ladies, you won't be disappointed.

Finally, I would like answer ChicagoLady's questions that were left on Matt's blog.

Yes, it is more of a "no fast food chain" protest that we are doing.

First, It is not that the food tastes better at a local hot dog stand than it does at Portillo's. It's something that we feel is important. Matt and I are huge Route 66 enthusiasts and support local businesses in whatever town we are in. What is the point of going down the Mother Road, looking at all the places that were shut down because of the highway, and then going to McDonald's?

Second, We feel that the food just isn't good. A french fry from McDonald's that is dropped behind a child's car seat looks exactly the same one month after it was bought. How is that OK?

Third, During this economic crisis, we just aren't eating out as much and I would rather spend my money on something I would really enjoy and not because it's convenient.

I hope this answered your questions and you can support our decision.