As a Good Wifey Should

Now, being the quintessential housewife and stay-at-home mom (HA!) I was wondering how to do it. I don't want to make any social faux pas.

I had remembered an email I had received once and went searching the web for some guidance.

This is for purely entertainment value. Snope.com claims that it is not really from Housekeeping Monthly May 13, 1955. However, there are other publications that are similar out there.

So here are some rules and what really happens in our house.

1) Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. "Well, there's poptarts if you want them, other than that, you're out of luck!"

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. "My hair is standing on end, there is food down my shirt, I probably smell. But, HEY! How was YOUR day?"

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the home just before your husband arrives, gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too. "I've been stepping over it all day, you can too."

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. "Girls, you have to put on clothes and wash the fingerpaint off your face because Daddy's coming home!"

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad he is home. "Girls, stop screaming and fighting!" "Turn down the TV!" "I don't care who started it!!" "Why can't you play your part??!!!"

Some don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind. "There's beer in the fridge, poptarts in the cabinet, move the laundry to sit, I'm going to bed!"

Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first. "Would you shut up all ready, nobody cares!"

Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax. "I'm going out, see ya!"

The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. "If you need to renew your body and spirit, take a Valium like a normal person!"