Sunday, April 20, 2008

Well, It's Happened...

My Baby has turned 9!! Can you believe it? She's a TWEEN!!!!

I have no idea where the time has gone, but I am putting a stop to it, she is absolutely forbidden to get any older!

I think this is as good a time as any to tell the wonderful story of when that alien woman rang my doorbell, handed her over and said "TFFTS WHAOOPF FQOIDT" and walked away.

I suppose it didn't happen quite like that, but I'm apparently old now, let see if I can remember the real story.

Emerson was late, I'm not talking a day or two, she was 2 weeks late!!! At this point I was making Matt drive over railroad tracks in hopes that I would go into labor. We went to the doctor on a Thursday and I was done! After all, I had a 2 week old child inside of me. The doctor's agreed and scheduled the induction for Monday morning. We were to be at the hospital at 6am, but we woke up at 6:30. I allegedly set the alarm wrong. Somehow, we managed to get dressed and to the hospital at 7am, 1 hour late. At this point, I was convinced that we couldn't possibly be good parents, I mean we couldn't even make it in time for her birth!!!

They got me in the bed and strapped on the monitor and it turns out I was already starting labor. So, any concern that I had that this child was going to stay inside me, were gone. They helped me along with the Pitocin and we were on our way. A couple of hours went by and the pain was beginning to be unbearable. I have a very low tolerance for pain, VERY LOW, so it was time for the Epidural. Things were better from that point on.

Then it was time to push, so I did, ALOT. She would not budge. At the end of 2 hours the doctor came in and told me that I had 1 more hour to get this baby out. We had no idea what Emerson was, she keep her legs crossed during the Ultrasound, and I for one was convinced she was a boy. At the 2 hour point my doctor told me that he was sure it was a girl, "No boy would ever do this to his mother."

At the 3 hour mark, she still was stuck! They were trying to decide what they wanted to do when the fetal monitor went off. The baby wasn't recovering from the contractions and the heart rate was dropping. The decision was made; C-section!

The threw a hat on my head, had me sign a paper and I was literally whisked down the hall. The only thing we had to wait for was Matt. He had to get all the gear on. 8 minutes later they told me I had a baby. But I didn't hear it cry, and they didn't tell what it was. With a quick pinch on the butt, a little squeak came out and they told me it was a girl!!!

Emerson Erin

born: 4/19/99

time: 8:09 pm

height: 19.5"

weight: 7. lbs. 11 oz

Here's were the story takes an amusing twist. After all was said and done, they put in my room for the night. Matt stayed with me and this is how the conversation went:

Matt: "My feet hurt!"

Me: "mffft"

Matt: "My feet are killing me!" "Every time you pushed, I held your leg, and I went up on my toes, and they rubbed against the tops of my work boots."


Matt went down to the nurses station and got ice for his toes. When he came back, he continued;

Matt (shaking me awake): "I have blisters on my toes!"

Me (annoyed): "I'm sorry, guess what happened to me today?"

Matt : "What?"

Me : They cut me open and took a human being out of me!!"

Matt: "Sorry, I won't complain about my feet anymore tonight."

Me: " I think that would be best."

And that is how we went from semi-intelligent people, to blithering idiot parents, who have no idea what they are doing on a daily basis. Even after 9 years.