Matt: (walking in the door after work) "I got a tip from a MILF today!!!!"
Me: "Was it a MILF or a Cougar?"
Matt: "What's the difference?"
Me: "MILFs don't really need to tip, they get by on their MILFiness"
Matt: "What if a guy tips me?"
Me: "Well, he obviously likes the way you dance in your work pants."
Emerson: (reading Little House in The Big Woods) "The dancing was so pretty and the music so gay... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Me: "Somehow, Em, I don't think they were talking the Village People." "There is another meaning to the word gay."
Emerson: "There is?"
Me: "Yes, it means happy or joyous."
Emerson: "Oh, then that's not really that funny."
Vivi and I were sharing some Dove Promises and on each wrapper there is a little message, just like a fortune cookie.
Vivi got one that said "Share a secret over a Dove Promise"
Me: "Now you have to tell me a secret."
Vivi: "Okay." (in a whisper with her hand cupped by her mouth) "You're my best friend."
Matt: "You know if you travel in time and you come across the past or future you, don't touch yourself because you can destroy the universe."
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Matt: "I'm just saying that if you travel in time, don't touch yourself."
Me: "That's some sound advice, but you better not do any time travel, you can't keep your hands off yourself."